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hi, i'm new...

i wrote this a while ago and i was hoping to get some feedback so if you guys could read it and let me know what you think i'd really appreciate it.

keep in mind i'm only 16 and i haven't done any writing courses or anything like that so it will probably be well under the standard you are used to.



The rain fell heavily, steadily. Raindrops exploded as they hit the pavement and melted into puddles that gleamed like oil slicks; barely visible sheens in the blackness of the night. Occasionally there was a streetlight or a big enough break in the dense cover of the trees to let in some moonlight, a welcome beacon. The four girls linked arms as they walked briskly along the path. Using the light of their phones as torches they hurried along, squealing as branches brushed past them gently. The shadows looked endless, as if they stretched on to an unknown forever. It seemed to Sophie that if any of the girls stepped out into one that they might never be found. That they might be lost, walking in dark and shadow for the rest of their lives. Or maybe there was another world on the other side of the shadow. You would step into the blackness and emerge in the bright sun of another place, another time. She stumbled and lost her train of thought. Her mind automatically wandered to Chris. He had been different that night. She wouldn’t call it sweet; Chris was very rarely sweet unless you were completely alone – then, she knew, he could be breathtaking, overwhelming. But she got the impression that there was something big going on, something raging just beneath the surface. Something he was desperate to say but couldn’t. Or maybe she was just projecting her own feelings onto him.

Sophie looked around. Without her noticing they had come to the round-a-bout across from the service station. ‘Hey girls. Wanna ride?’ and incoherent variations thereof accompanied honking as tricked up cars sped past. Within minutes a car slowed, the window on the passenger side wound down and a guy about 19 stuck his head out. “Hey. What are you girls doing tonight?”

“Nothing much. You?” Sophie leaned forward to answer.

“Yeah just cruising around. You’s shouldn’t be walking out in the rain. Why don’t you get in? We’ll give you a lift.”

Sophie paused. The rain had lessened but they were still soaking wet and freezing cold. She didn’t need to look behind her to know that Shannon was convincing Laura and Lauren that it was ok to get in. About a minute later Sophie was perched on a guy called Matt’s lap, Shannon was in the front next to Simon and Laura and Lauren were squished in the back seat. The others made small talk but Sophie tuned out. She was thinking that it was kind of sad that they got into cars with strangers so readily. She told herself it was just because of the rain, but she had a feeling it wasn’t. Again her mind wandered to Chris, to what he would think. He hated when she did things like this. She didn’t want to make him upset, she didn’t want to get him angry. More importantly, she didn’t want to screw things up. Things between the two of them were beyond delicate, beyond complicated, but not quite beyond redemption.

Slowly she became aware of Matt’s hand snaking its way up her inner thigh. He was subtle; she had to give him that. She paused for a minute, she wasn’t especially interested but it was only a few minutes till Lauren’s house, ‘I mean, how far could it go?’ she asked herself. Besides, she could use the distraction. She turned her head so she was facing him and smiled. His hand crept higher. She tilted her head slightly and leaned in to kiss him. Their lips met roughly and his tongue slipped across hers. Almost subconsciously she shifted so that she was facing him and straddling his lap. As she felt his hands glide slowly up her shirt she noticed a pause in the conversation. ‘They’re watching’ She thought. ‘And I’m gonna hear about this for a long time.’ She hoped Laura wouldn’t tell Chris before she had a chance to explain. Getting in the car with them would be bad enough, getting with one of them would probably change his mind. Again. The last time he had changed his mind played vividly in her memory. She paused as the Sophie in her memory, in her mind’s eye, slid down the wall until she was crouched in a ball, phone in hand, heartbreak written all over her tear streaked face. In reality she felt Matt raise his hips beneath her and realized suddenly that she didn’t want to do this anymore. Luckily the car had stopped, she quickly untangled herself from Matt’s grip and moved towards the door. As she did so she was vaguely aware of him asking for her number and most likely her name but she pretended she hadn’t heard. Things that had seemed so complicated looked much clearer now.  The night air was cold but sweet and still, no longer splintered with raindrops and it strengthened her resolve. Again the four girls linked arms and hurried along the stretch of road left till Lauren’s house. Sophie looked around at the shadows that had seemed so infinite and threatening before. She thought back to the pain of the previous months and to the possibilities of the future and allowed herself a flicker of hope. Sophie gazed happily into the night, feeling like all her problems were behind her. A hazy darkness was outside surrounding her, but inside she was on the other side of the shadow, and smiling in the light.


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